


I don't have a choice, but I still choose you

by nathen-millers (TheBoxer)



Category: White Collar
Genre: F/M, Kate focused, Season 1, Slightly dark kate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 22:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13040421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBoxer/pseuds/nathen-millers
Summary: Did you ever love him?Kate loved Nick Halden. But Nick Halden was a con.





	I don't have a choice, but I still choose you

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched season 1 and 2, the show wasted kate, I had an idea and this was born.#katemoreaudeservedbetter

_Did you ever love him?_

Kate loved Nick Halden. She loved the man who did magic tricks and danced naked in her apartment. But Nick Halden was a lie, an illusion, Nick was a con. People were supposed to love Nick Halden and the con worked, it worked on her.

Kate was done with cons.

.

When Nick became Neal and Kate stayed, she promised herself she wouldn’t fall in love with Neal too. She wouldn’t let herself be conned again, this time, she would do the conning. And once Neal was in too deep, she would leave, just like Adler did, just like Nick did.

She would take his heart, his art, his money, and his pride. She would take and take and take from him until all that was left was the real Neal, the one he’s kept hidden from her and the rest of the world.

.

Once she asks Neal, “How deep do cons go? I mean, do you believe the story you’re telling?”

They’re sitting on their bench in the park, it’s a Saturday morning and to anyone else, they look like the perfect couple in love. Neal turned at her, his blue eyes piercing hers and a slight smile on his lips

 _H_ e’s _conning you,_ her mind whispers to her, _he doesn’t what you to know the truth._ Kate wraps her arm around his, laying her head on his shoulder, just like she knows he likes.  She sees his eyes soften and she knows, for once, she’s beating him at the game he taught her.

“You have to believe the story you’re telling, otherwise no one will,” Neal tells her, “And sometimes that means part of you thinks it’s real.”

Kate nods slightly, her eyes falling on the statue in front of them, she knows Neal hid a ring there. She knows how deep Neal went in his con of her. How deep will she go?

 _As deep as it takes to win_ , her mind answers back.

.

She thinks she loses. When Neal tried to get her to go to Amsterdam, when he tries to con her again. She couldn’t take it, she wouldn’t sit back and let Neal Caffrey con her again, especially when she was so close to conning him and winning.

Neal left and she stayed, it was what should have happened in the first place. After he left, she had drink, took a shower, because that’s how it is. She wasn’t going to dwell on him, and she wasn’t going to invite him back into her life.

.

She keeps herself hidden from him but she can’t keep herself hidden from the FBI. Peter Burke shows up at her apartment more often than she likes. He asks the same questions and she has the same answers.

“He won’t come back for me,” she tells him, “That’s never been Neal’s way, you and I both know that.”

Peter looks at her, and for a moment, she thinks the look is a pitiful one. Finally he says, “Well, he might just surprise you.”

Kate doesn’t argue, she doesn’t need to. Peter Burke might catch conmen but she loved one. She knows what Neal would do for a con. And coming back to her isn’t one.

.

She’s wrong.

Neal shows up at her storage unit, he’s just as handsome as she remembers and for a moment she lets herself be conned. She lets herself believe that Neal Caffrey loves her and she loves him back, that he risked everything for her. And then the FBI comes and as soon as Neal is pulled away from her, the game is back on.

Because she’s winning, because Neal Caffrey is so deep in a con he doesn’t realize it is one. Because Neal has art and money hidden away and he’s going to prison. She finally has her chance to break away, to start over and never be around people like Neal Caffrey ever again. To hurt him like he hurt her.

.

She visits him every week, like clockwork. She waits and waits and waits. He tells her everything is in San Diego. She waits and waits and waits. He never tells her anything else.  She knows he’s lying, Neal would never keep everything so far away from him. His pride could never take that.

Fowler approaches her one sunny day six months before Neal is scheduled to be released.

“How would you like to screw over Neal Caffrey?” he asks, his smirk telling her he already knows her answer.

It’s almost sad how quickly that won her over.

.

Garrett Fowler isn’t a conman. He doesn’t have a poker face and Kate likes that. She’s finally in control. She tells him the plan. How they have to draw Neal out, to trick him into telling her where everything is.

She doesn’t know why Fowler wants the music box, frankly she doesn’t care. She’s almost got everything she wants.

.

She breaks up with Neal in the way she knows will hurt him the most.

“You won’t be Neal Caffrey forever,” she says, “And I would rather end this with him than any other con.”

The beautiful thing is that he can’t even deny it, they both know that he’ll drop Neal Caffrey as soon as he can. He’ll be become someone new, he’ll con someone else and take what he pleases.

She takes pride in how he flinches as her words set in. But Neal has always been able to surprise her.

“Do you love me, Kate?” he asks, softly.

She swallows hard, she wants to lie to him, to say no because she knows that will hurt him. But the words are tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them.

“I fell in love with a man named Nick Halden. And when he went away, I fell in love with Neal Caffrey. But both of those men aren’t real. You’re not real, you never have been,” she says, “It doesn’t matter if I love you, I don’t know you.”

Neal protests, he calls her name but Kate knows the plan, she knows the con.

She doesn’t look back.

.

“Did you ever love him?” Peter Burke asks her, almost angrily.  

She doesn’t know the answer, she wishes she did. It would sure make her life easier. But where did Nick end and Neal begin? She doesn’t think even Neal knows the answer.

“I loved Nick Halden,” she says, “Whether or not that seeped over to Neal Caffrey, well Peter, your answer is as good as mine.”

“He loves you,” Peter tells her, as if it makes a difference to her, “Maybe he shouldn’t but he does.”

Kate looks at Peter, she pities him. He doesn’t know how deep the con goes, doesn’t know that Neal could con anyone, including himself, into believing that.

“The thing about Neal,” she says, “is that he always believes the story behind the con. That’s always been his strength. And this is no different.”

Peter doesn’t respond.

.

Kate loses.

Neal came but the plane explodes too early.

She was in too deep in the con. She believed the story a little too much. It was always Neal’s strength and it was her downfall.

_Did you ever love him?_

She isn’t sure, she thinks she could have loved the real Neal Caffrey, if that even was his name. But in the moments before the plane explodes, she’s still thinking of the con.

She may not love Neal Caffrey, may not have conned him but somehow she became him. And maybe that was winning too.


End file.
